


Guidelines to Living in Spira

by Kanako_Hime, LadyOfSlytherin101



Series: Guideline Series [6]
Category: Final Fantasy X
Genre: Albus the Duck, Avatar The Last Airbender references, Chaos, Chocobos, Coats, Freeform, Gen, Hilarity Ensues, Kamikaze Ariana, Multi, Severus the Cat, Tattoos, Titanic - Freeform, guidelines, smacking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:19:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 6,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7673317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kanako_Hime/pseuds/Kanako_Hime, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOfSlytherin101/pseuds/LadyOfSlytherin101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Featuring the cast of Final Fantasy X. Rules you should - or not - follow when running amok in Spira.<br/>Signed, Ariana Oswald & Rosalie Tyler</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Page I - Ariana

Rule  #1

Don't steal Auron's sunglasses

(Being chased by him and his big-ass sword is terrifying)

(If, you know, you _could_ actually steal them without him noticing)

 

Rule  #2

Feeding Rikku sugar or alcohol is strictly forbidden

(No)

(Just..)

(No)

 

Rule  #3

Stop talking to the cat

(I'm his dumb human)

(Back off from my baby)

 

Rule  #4

Reading manga is fine. Do not let Yuna find your more questionable volumes

(She's very into Yaoi now)

(Who knew?)

(It's always the quiet ones)

 

Rule  #5

Lulu is not the Queen of the Night People

(So unless you want your ass handed to you)

(Don't do it)

 

Rule  #6

Using Auron's jug of sake in a drinking game is not allowed

(That is very powerful stuff)

(I had to be carried the next day)

 

Rule  #7

Following the previous rule, **NO** drinking games

 

Rule  #8

Auron is not an older version of Ciel from Black Butler

(Cause there is no way Ciel'd be that hot)

 

Rule  #9

Auron is also not a secret agent who works for the Men In Black agency

(But god knows they need him)

 

Rule  #10

Yunalesca is a powerful spirit. Bitchslapping her is not advised

(Even if it is really well deserved)


	2. Page II - Rosalie

  
Rule  #11   


Seymour Guado is not a giant bug

(Even if his hair makes him look like one) 

(And he has a symbol of a bug on his robe thingy) 

(What is that thing anyways?) 

 

  
Rule  #12   


Do not spray Seymour with insect repellant

(It doesn't freaking work!) 

(He keeps coming back!) 

(He's like a cockroach!) 

(I need to get my money back from Rin) 

 

  
Rule  #13   


Do not steal Auron's coat

(That man is really touchy when it comes to that thing)

(It was freaking hard!) 

(Last time I make bets with Rikku!)

 

  
Rule  #14   


In accordance with rule #13, don't steal Auron's sake jug

(He gets mad when he can't use his Overdrive moves) 

(I still say he's secretly an alcoholic) 

(He isn't happy when I told him I'm trying to get him over his addiction)

 

  
Rule  #15   


Also in regards to rule #13, don't steal his Katana 

(How in the name of Yevon does he carry that thing around?!) 

(I had to get Rikku to help me steal it) 

(That did not end well for us) 

 

  
Rule  #16   


In regards to rule #13 through #15, **STOP** stealing Auron's things! 

(I am totally blaming Rikku for this) 

(Yup, totally her fault) 

 

  
Rule  #17   


Don't ask Rikku to teach you dirty words or phrases in Al Bhed

(Auron wasn't too pleased) 

(Turns out he understands Al Bhed) 

(Whoops!) 

 

  
Rule  #18   


Lulu does not play with dolls

(I made the mistake of saying this to her) 

**(BAD IDEA!** ) 

(She used Flare on my ass) 

(She burnt off a bit of my hair too) 

 

  
Rule  #19   


Don't imitate Wakka's way of speaking

(Which means don't say 'yeah' at the end of every sentence) 

(Rikku and I did it) 

(It was funny at first) 

(Then it got boring) 

(And annoying) 

 

  
Rule  #20   


Tidus' head is not a target

(Which means no throwing Blitzballs at it) 

(Even if it is fun) 

 


	3. Page III - Ariana

  
Rule  #21   


Wakka's hair is to be left alone

(No shaving)

(No colouring)

(Nada)

 

  
Rule  #22   


Kimahri is not your personalised giant cuddly toy

(As much as I'd love him to be)

(Sigh)

 

  
Rule  #23   


Tidus is an idiot. Do not deliberately set him up to get in trouble

(But it is totally worth it)

 

  
Rule  #24   


Randomly giving any of the group a wedgie is not allowed

(Auron just sighed and said if I wanted to put my hands down his pants, I could've just asked)

(I couldn't really speak after that)

 

  
Rule  #25   


Yuna needs her staff. Do not hide it

(Seriously, Tidus?)

 

  
Rule  #26   


Following that, don't hide anything the group needs for a battle

(It'll bite you in the ass somehow)

 

  
Rule  #27   


This is not the world of Harry Potter, so your magic doesn't work here

(Sadly)

 

  
Rule  #28   


Running at the enemy screaming at the top of your lungs is not allowed

(It gives people heart attacks)

(But it does confuse the enemy)

 

  
Rule  #29   


  
Telling Tidus about the fics with him and Auron/Auron and his dad  **IS FORBIDDEN**   


(We do not need that trauma)

 

  
Rule  #30   


Auron is not a lost member of the Jedi order

(He is, really)

(But shh)

(It's a secret)


	4. Page IV - Rosalie

  
Rule  #31   


Messing with Machina is not a good idea

(How was I supposed to know it was going to blow up?) 

(I swear, the curse of machines hating me followed me here) 

 

  
Rule  #32   


In regards to rule #31, only Rikku is allowed mess with Machina

(Which sucks) 

(Because it looks fun) 

 

  
Rule  #33   


Leave the poor Shoopuf alone! 

(They're already mentally scarred from their run in with Jecht! 

(The Hypello get very touchy about it) 

 

  
Rule  #34   


Don't push Yuna off the Shoopuf! 

(I swear it was an accident!) 

(She was totally fine!) 

 

  
Rule  #35   


Do not call Kinoc a pervert/creep to his face

(Even if he is) 

 

  
Rule  #36   


Do not ask Auron if he and Kinoc were ever in a secret relationship

(I had to run for my life) 

(He never said no!) 

 

  
Rule  #37   


DO NOT bring up the incident of Kinoc hugging Auron

(It was funny) 

(Auron doesn't like to remember) 

(Probably best not to tell him that I recorded it on a sphere for my own amusement) 

(I value my life) 

 

  
Rule  #38   


Do not ask Seymour how Guados have sex

(Probably the dumbest thing I could have done) 

(I got way more information than I wanted) 

(It's going to take days for those scratches and bites to fade) 

(Rikku is still trying to figure out what happened) 

 

  
Rule  #39   


Don't try to steal Seymour's clothes

(I couldn't make heads or tails of it) 

(He caught me....) 

(Fun times!) 

 

  
Rule  #40   


Don't mess with Seymour's hair without permission

(That man is so touchy about his hair) 

(It takes a long time to get it styled right) 


	5. Page V - Ariana

  
Rule  #41   


Keep your nose out of other people's business

(Which translates to keep your hands out of people's bags)

(Yuna found some condoms in my bag one day)

(I'm more impressed that they're still there)

 

  
Rule  #42   


Following the previous rule, don't give people the sex talk

(Leave it to people who won't mess with innocent minds)

 

  
Rule  #43   


Following rule #42, do not then proceed to drag someone into the forest for 'sexy times'

(Like Auron)

(Or Tidus, Yuna!)

(I ship Wakka/Lulu, so leave the big goof alone)

 

  
Rule  #44   


No 'sexy times' while on pilgramage

(That's what he said...)

(And yet...)

 

  
Rule  #45   


Don't randomly jump on fiends and announce that you're going to wrestle it

(You are not the Crocodile Hunter)

 

  
Rule  #46   


Following that, don't go around with an Austrailian accent

(It's annoying)

 

  
Rule  #47   


If a member of the group lends you an article of clothing, kindly give it back as soon as possible.

(Don't do what I did)

(But _ohhh_ that coat)

 

  
Rule  #48   


When organising rooms at inns, do not ask if the walls are soundproof

(I happened to be sharing with Auron this one time)

(And I decided to shit-stir)

(Rikku's planning our wedding and everything)

 

  
Rule  #49   


Following the previous rule, no random weddings

(I'm not complaining)

(I was Mrs. Auron for about two weeks)

 

 

  
Rule  #50   


Don't randomly set things on fire

(This...)

(This. Huh.)


	6. Page VI - Rosalie

  
Rule  #51   


Do not let yourself get kidnapped

(I did it for Yuna) 

(Yup, totally why I let Seymour kidnap me) 

(All for Yuna) 

(No hidden agendas...) 

 

  
Rule  #52   


Seymour is the enemy

(But...) 

(He's hot though!) 

(I'm doing this for Yuna)

(As long as I have him distracted, he's not fixtated on Yuna) 

(It's a win win!) 

 

  
Rule  #53   


No recording private moment with spheres

(I got way more than I wanted to see) 

(EVER) 

 

  
Rule  #54   


In regards to rule 53, don't sell the spheres

(Damn, I got paid so much for that one) 

(It's rude) 

(And a violation of privacy) 

(I think Auron is mad Tidus' worth more than him) 

 

  
Rule  #55   


If Yuna and Tidus go off to have 'quiet time', leave them alone

(They barely get any privacy as it is!) 

 

  
Rule  #56   


Adopting a Fiend as a pet is not allowed

(Like it's my fault the Behemoth tried to eat Tidus!) 

(They just don't understand my Fluffy Wuffy was just playing with him!) 

(Stupid Tidus) 

(It's all his fault that my Fluffy got killed) 

 

  
Rule  #57   


Wakka is not a rooster

(Stop asking him when sun up is) 

(He will not crow) 

 

  
Rule  #58   


Any time a fiend or a person is Sent, don't react dramatically

(I don't think anyone appreciated my theatrics) 

(Uncultured the lot of them) 

 

  
Rule  #59   


Do not cry 'dishonour' when something bad happens

(Turns out they take it seriously) 

(My bad!) 

(Poor Yuna) 

 

  
Rule  #60   


Don't mention Jecht in front of Tidus

(He gets all weird) 

(And angsty) 

(And then we never get anywhere) 


	7. Page VII - Ariana

  
Rule  #61   


Auron is not Zuko from Avatar the Last Airbender

(So stop insisting that he is)

 

  
Rule  #62   


If someone touches you inappropriately without permission, tell one of the boys

(Do not go all kamikaze on the pervert)

 

  
Rule  #63   


Insisting that Wakka's hair is receiving messages from aliens isn't allowed anymore

(He tried to shave it off)

 

  
Rule  #64   


Do not wake up the group in the morning by throwing them into the pond

(It's not appreciated)

(Unless Tidus is the last one asleep)

(Again)

(In which case, yeah, totally do it)

 

  
Rule  #65   


Yuna and Rikku are not your barbie dolls

(To be fair, they dressed me up first)

(I just got my own back)

 

  
Rule  #66   


Follwing rule #61, the group is not the Gaang

(T-T)

 

  
Rule  #67   


Don't act all weird when you're bored

(Which basically translates to harping on about death and being all depressed)

(There was an intervention)

(They don't get that I have to create my own amusement here!)

 

  
Rule  #68   


Rin is not the Spira-version of Iroh, Zuko's uncle.

(He totally is)

(Shun the non-believers)

 

  
Rule  #69   


Don't go around in the nude

 

  
Rule  #70   


Announcing at breakfast that you're pregnant isn't allowed

(I think I made Auron choke on his tea)


	8. Page VIII - Rosalie

 

  
Rule  #71   


Playing in the Thunder Plains is forbidden!

(I challenged Tidus to a game of 'Lightning Dodge') 

(It didn't end well... For him) 

(He got me back though) 

(He wouldn't stop zapping me) 

 

  
Rule  #72   


Making fun of Rikku's fear of lightning is not allowed

(It's just mean)

(She gets super clingy) 

(It took Tidus and Wakka both to pry her off) 

 

  
Rule  #73   


Rikku is also not a bug

(Even if she looks like one when crawling around on the ground) 

(It's kinda sad) 

(Poor Rikku) 

 

  
Rule  #74   


Whenever you come across a zombified fiend, do not scream " **ZOMBIE!** " and run around in a panic

(Seriously, don't)

(It's not funny) 

(Those little shits are scary)

 

  
Rule  #75   


In regards to rule #74, do not attack zombified members of your group

(They'll be fine) 

(Just let Yuna heal them) 

(They are not going to eat you) 

 

  
Rule  #76   


Auron is not a Zombie

(He is an Unsent) 

(Big difference) 

(Just don't bring it up) 

 

  
Rule  #77   


When visiting the Farplane, don't say 'I see dead people'

(The Pyreflies may look cute and pretty) 

(But swarm when mad) 

(Scary) 

 

  
Rule  #78   


Only Yuna is allowed to use her Summons

(Valefor wasn't pleased I tried siccing her on Tidus) 

(Worth a shot) 

 

  
Rule  #79   


Choose your pranking victims wisely

(Which means no pranking Auron)

(Or Lulu) 

(Or Yuna) 

(Tidus, Rikku and Wakka are free game) 

(Kimarhi isn't) 

 

  
Rule  #80   


Kimarhi is not a unicorn

(He is a Ronso) 

(A fierce creature) 


	9. Page IX - Ariana

  
Rule  #81   


Tea is not a magical potion that can cure anything

(Iroh would disagree)

 

  
Rule  #82   


Don't throw water-balloons

(In my defence, I was aiming for Rikku)

(But she moved)

(And I hit Auron)

(Oops?)

 

  
Rule  #83   


Don't go penguin-sledding 

(I wanted to, but there were no penguins)

(So I used a Guado)

(Dude didn't mind)

(I think)

 

  
Rule  #84   


Don't build a blanket fort

(I have to say though)

(These people have it as an art form)

(We build a blanket palace)

(With a moat and everything)

(Couldn't find Tidus for ages)

(Turns out he was in one of the walls)

(Idiot)

 

  
Rule  #85   


No blonde jokes around Tidus

(He doesn't get them)

(It's kind of sad)

 

  
Rule  #86   


Telling people that Auron is the most fabulous man ever isn't allowed

(Other equally fabulous men come to check him out)

(And Kinoc got jealous)

(He's mine!)

 

  
Rule  #87   


You're in Spira. A nerf gun isn't going to protect you

 

  
Rule  #88   


Taking selfies is allowed, but please pick your moments

(So, no fiend selfies)

(Or Via Purifico selfies)

(Or Yuna's wedding selfies)

 

  
Rule  #89   


Don't go around announcing people's fetishs

(It's not true)

(I think?)

 

  
Rule  #90   


Be respectful in the Temple; the cat stays outside

(I do not want him to have another accident on someone's statue)


	10. Page X - Rosalie

  
Rule  #91   


Kimahri is **NOT** the last unicorn

(He is a Ronso) 

(He got sad) 

(At least I think he did) 

(It's hard to tell) 

 

  
Rule  #92   


Kimarhi is also not Mufasa or Aslan

(In fairness, he looks like a lion) 

(He didn't react much) 

 

  
Rule  #93   


Asking Maester Mika when he plans to kick the bucket is not allowed

(That really didn't go well) 

(Tidus seriously has no tact) 

(I **TOTALLY** didn't put him up to that) 

 

  
Rule  #94   


The Via Purifico is **NOT** a waterpark

(There's lots of Undead things in there)

(They bite) 

(I want my money back) 

 

  
Rule  #95   


Don't antagonize the fiends

(Leave them alone)

 

  
Rule  #96   


Do not touch the Red Butterflies! 

(Dammit Tidus) 

(The Red Butterflies are bad)

 

  
Rule  #97   


The temples are not playgrounds

(Which means no running around) 

(You'll set off traps) 

(I don't fancy dying in there) 

 

  
Rule  #98   


If Seymour asks you to go somewhere with him, say no

(I didn't listen)

(Not sure why I keep following him) 

(I can never walk afterwards) 

 

  
Rule  #99   


Do not ask Seymour how his mother is 

(I swear I'm going to bury Tidus in a hole and leave him there) 

(Sadly, Auron won't let me) 

(Seymour is going to need serious therapy) 

(He's mentally scarred!) 

 

  
Rule  #100   


Tidus is not allowed to tell Seymour that he has 'Daddy' and 'Mommy issues

(The others are still looking for Tidus) 

(Auron suspects I have something to do with it) 

(He'll never make me talk) 

 


	11. Page XI - Ariana

  
Rule  #101   


Follwoing rule 98, if Auron asks you to go somewhere with him, say yes

(Because it is usually in your best interests)

(At least, that's what I'm telling myself)

(Damn man and his sword)

 

  
Rule  #102   


Asking the men if they take it up the butt or stick it in the butt is not allowed

(It's just...)

(.....)

(Yeah)

 

  
Rule  #103   


Ask permission before invading someone's personal space

(People don't like it when you're all up in their business)

 

  
Rule  #104   


Telling Tidus that he needs to pop his cherry is forbidden

(Same applies to Yuna)

(And Lulu)

(And Wakka)

 

  
Rule  #105   


Telling people that you used to get hugs from the most powerful wizard of all time isn't allowed

(Because they don't care)

(And Auron got annoyed)

(He seems to have forgotten I'm a bit of a hug-slut)

 

  
Rule  #106   


Lulu is not Lust from Full Metal Alchemist

(She's cooler)

 

  
Rule  #107   


Following that, don't tell Lulu that her boobs are fake

 

  
Rule  #108   


If you want to pet the summons, ask nicely

(They'll try to take your hand off otherwise)

 

  
Rule  #109   


Stick to your training

(It'll save your life)

(Not alchemy)

(Ed'd be disguisted)

 

  
Rule  #110   


Kidnapping in any form is forbidden

(Do I really need to explain this one?)


	12. Page XII - Rosalie

  
Rule  #111   


Yuna's safety takes priority over everything

 

  
Rule  #112   


Do not take Yuna's place in marrying Seymour

(Totally worth it) 

(I told him he had to make an honest woman out of me)

(He surprisingly agreed) 

(Then the others showed up and ruined it) 

(I'm still not speaking to them) 

 

  
Rule  #113   


Sin is not a giant fish

(So fish food is not going to lure him out) 

 

  
Rule  #114   


Do not put Piranha fish in Tidus' sleeping bag

(It was funny though) 

(He screams like a girl) 

(Totally got more blackmail) 

 

  
Rule  #115   


Lulu is a Dark Mage, not a Voodoo Queen

(She has the dolls!) 

(I surprisingly didn't get Flared for that one) 

(Tidus did) 

 

  
Rule  #116   


Be respectful when Belgamine is around

(Bitch summons powerful fiends) 

 

  
Rule  #117   


Do not ask any good looking males you come across if you can bare their children

(I stayed clear of Auron)

(I don't fancy Ariana killing me in my sleep) 

(Luzzu actually looked like he considered it) 

(Seymour got jealous) 

(My plan has worked) 

 

  
Rule  #118   


If Rikku has a scheme in mind, say no!

(It ends badly!) 

(Very badly)

 

  
Rule  #120   


Tying Tidus up because he's annoying you is not allowed

(Darn it) 

(He would have been Fiend food if Auron hadn't figure it out)


	13. Page XIII - Ariana

  
Rule  #121   


Do not describe someone as 'lickable'

(It leads to some very awkward conversations)

 

  
Rule  #122   


 

Don't adopt a pet duck

(He was all lonely!)

(Poor thing)

(Sev loves him)

(I shall call him Albus!)

 

  
Rule  #123   


Girly days are fine. Girly days with Seymour are questionable

(In fairness, he let me style his hair)

(And paint his nails)

(And we had a heart to heart)

(It was a little adorable)

 

  
Rule  #124   


Permanant markers and me do not bode well for the group

(I drew a line at drawing on Auron and Kimahri)

(I'm not suicidal)

 

  
Rule  #125   


While in the Temple, belting out the following songs is forbidden

S&M - Rhianna

Sex Is In The Heel - Kinky Boots

Jai Ho - Pussycat Dolls

Beautiful Monster - Ne Yo

The Barney Song

 

  
Rule  #126   


Don't swap languages as you speak

(It's funny)

(But unfair)

 

  
Rule  #127   


Don't randomly jump from tall things

(Like buildings)

(Or shoopufs)

 

  
Rule  #128   


You can't bend, stop trying to

(My water-bending....)

(T-T)

 

  
Rule  #129   


No kicking in the nuts

(Unless called for)

 

  
Rule  #130   


For the love of god, please keep the cussing to a minimum around the kids

(That means **YOU,** Tidus)


	14. Page XIV - Rosalie

  
Rule  #131   


Don't teach Rikku dirty songs

(How was I supposed to know she would like S&M so much)

(She's 15!) 

(Is she even supposed to know what sex is yet?) 

 

  
Rule  #132   


Do not sing 'We're Off To See The Wizard' while on the Airship is not allowe

(Cid wanted to throw Tidus out after I taught him and Tidus wouldn't stop singing) 

 

  
Rule  #133   


Leave the Chocobo alone!

(They are not to be tormented) 

(They are not Big Bird) 

(They get nasty when mad) 

 

  
Rule  #134   


Don't dare Tidus to ride a wild Chocobo

(He got dragged) 

(He lost part of his clothes) 

(I think I ruined Yuna's innocence a bit) 

(In fairness, it was Tidus' fault) 

(He needs to learn to wear clothes that stay on) 

 

  
Rule  #135   


When fighting Fiends, don't randomly tap a member of the group and say "I choose you!" 

(We are not Pokemon) 

(It's not appriecated) 

 

  
Rule  #136   


Do not wear Seymour's clothes out in public

(Good grief, that was awkward) 

(In fairness, Rikku dared me) 

(I'm a sucker for dares) 

(I kept tripping) 

(It was a constant struggle to keep from flashing my boobs) 

 

  
Rule  #137   


No flashing people

(It's rude) 

(These people are such prudes) 

(Seymour got jealous again) 

(Told me only he's allowed to see me in all my glory) 

(I'm flattered) 

 

  
Rule  #138   


Donna is not a slut

(Even if she dresses like one) 

(And acts like a bitch) 

(I hate her!) 

(She was mean to Yuna!) 

 

  
Rule  #139   


If you are in a commited relationship, no flirting with other guys

(Who knew Seymour was so protective?) 

(Yuna has no idea what she missed out on) 

 

  
Rule  #140   


Keep your sex life private

(No one needs to hear the details) 

(Besides, what Seymour and I do is completely our business) 


	15. Page XV - Ariana

  
Rule  #141   


Stop playing strip-poker

(Auron doesn't like me 'flashing the goods')

(Fuss-pot)

 

  
Rule  #142   


Get up and face the day. Don't blame the stars if you can't.

"Stars. Can't do it. Not today."

 

  
Rule  #143   


Don't lie provocatively on Auron's coat and tell him to draw you like one of his French girls

(Not only does he completely miss the reference - and yes I've made him watch Titanic)

(He asks in a monotone 'Which one?')

(Dick wad)

 

  
Rule  #144   


Sex, when around Yuna, is to be referred to as 'alone time'.

(Not anything else)

(Like doing the horizontal mombo)

(Or parallel parking)

(Or riding the pony)

(We are ruining innocent things here)

 

  
Rule  #145   


Don't feed the Chocobos

(They go mental)

 

  
Rule  #146   


Don't get a boomerang as your weapon

(Only Sokka's has, thus far, been proven to come back)

 

  
Rule  #147   


If you've been paired to walk with someone, stay with them

(No wandering)

 

  
Rule  #148   


When Auron says no, he means it

(Poor man)

(I wonder what became of him)

(He just offered to buy me a drink...)

 

  
Rule  #149   


Piggy-back rides are to be offered

(So jumping randomly on people doesn't cut it)

 

  
Rule  #150   


Don't announce the following:

"The voices in my head think you're being mean!"

"Yeah, well, I've got a jar of dirt!"

"We are all targets now."

" **THERE'S A MISSILE IN THE FAMILY ROOM!** "


	16. Page XVI - Rosalie

  
Rule  #151   


When faced with a fork in the road, don't suggest splitting up

(That usually ends badly) 

(I had a giant fiend on my ass) 

(I miss my Fluffy Wuffy!) 

 

  
Rule  #152   


Chocobos are not pets

(I think Auron is mad one of them nearly peed on him) 

(He told me to get rid of it) 

(Spoilsport) 

 

  
Rule  #153   


Fiends are not Pokemon

(Do not attempt to catch them all) 

(They don't like it) 

 

  
Rule  #154   


The Macalania Woods are a beautiful place

(Leave the crystals alone) 

(So other people can enjoy the beauty) 

 

  
Rule  #155   


Seymour is a Maester, not a wizard

(Even if he does have me under his spell) 

(How does he do it?) 

 

  
Rule  #156   


No biting people! 

(In fairness, Tidus was being a pain) 

(I told him not to stick his finger in my face) 

(I did warn him I'd bite it) 

 

  
Rule  #157   


Randomly picking someone up and carrying them over your shoulder isn't usually welcomed

(Except when it's Seymour) 

(He's totally allowed to do it to me)

(I can't do it to him) 

(He weighs a ton) 

 

  
Rule  #158   


Rikku's materials are to be left alone

(Girl's got crazy dangerous stuff in her pack) 

(How have we not gone **BOOM** yet?) 

 

  
Rule  #159   


When Rikku blows something up, do not yell 'Viva La Revolution!'

(They didn't get it) 

(It's fun) 

 

  
Rule  #160   


Do not hide in Seymour's robes

(In fairness, there's plenty of room in there) 

(It was warm) 

((He totally didn't care) 

(It makes an excellent hiding place) 

(Rikku had no idea where I was) 


	17. Page XVII - Ariana

  
Rule  #161   


Don't grope someone's butt

(Unless it's a pretty sweet one)

(Then totally grope it)

 

  
Rule  #162   


Announcing Tidus as your younger bitch sister isn't allowed

(Not my fault he's pretty)

 

  
Rule  #163   


Don't pull a Lizzie and make everything 'cute'

(Dammit Rikku)

(I'm trying to burn that image of my man in a dress out of my mind!)

 

  
Rule  #164   


Don't randomly smack people and announce you've healed them with the power of 'Jeeeeeeezuss'

(They don't really get it)

(And they don't appreciate the smack either)

 

  
Rule  #165   


Do not find a llama (or Spira's approximation) and announce you've found Kuzco

(And then proceed to drag it along with you on your quest)

 

  
Rule  #166   


Dont quote The Princess Bride around these people

(Auron has ruined this movie for me)

 

  
Rule  #167   


Don't stare at someone for a few seconds then announce "Yeah, I'd fuck it."

 

  
Rule  #168   


When you get a nosebleed, don't whisper 'hail satan' to the person next to you

(One guy pissed himself)

(I'm still laughing)

 

  
Rule  #169   


Don't get the group hooked on Sims

(Tidus was really cute with it)

(He made him and Yuna and they have a little girl now)

(I just trap Sims in a room and leave them to die)

(Or make a brothel)

 

  
Rule  #170   


If someone annoys you, don't curse them to step on lego

(And then enforce it)

(Because I always have lego with me)


	18. Page XVIII - Rosalie

  
Rule  #171   


Auron's coat is not a hiding place

(He's too bulky) 

 

  
Rule  #172   


Do not randomly throw people at the fiends 

(Yuna wasn't too thrilled I threw Tidus) 

 

  
Rule  #173   


Don't teach Rikku the meaning of nursery rhymes

(She's mentally scarred from the Ring Around The Rosie one) 

 

  
Rule  #174   


No ghost stories around the campfire

(Who knew Wakka was such a wimp?) 

(Rikku kept having nightmares) 

(Now she won't stay out of my sleeping bag) 

 

  
Rule  #175   


Do not say 'Swiggity Swoogity, I'm coming for that booty'

(People look at you funny) 

(Rikku nearly died of laughing) 

(Now she won't stop saying it) 

(The look on Auron's face was priceless) 

(I just have to steer clear of Ari for awhile...) 

 

  
Rule  #176   


When an attractive male walks by, do not say: 'Do he got the booty? He do!'

(Again, people look at you funny) 

(Totally worth it) 

 

  
Rule  #177   


Truth or Dare is **FORBIDDEN**

(Oh man) 

(Shit got crazy) 

 

  
Rule  #178   


Spin the bottle is also forbidden

(It landed on Yuna) 

(Totes awks) 

(Though Tidus spun it and it landed on Auron) 

(I still have Tidus' reaction recorded) 

(Blackmail) 

 

  
Rule  #179   


Twister is not allowed

(Ow) 

(Pulled limbs) 

(Awkward positions) 

(I never want to get that close to Tidus again) 

(He smells)

 

  
Rule  #180   


In regards to rule #179, naked Twister is also not allowed

(Should go without saying.


	19. Page XIX - Ariana

  
Rule  #181   


  
**NO TIME TO EXPLAIN, GRAB A CACTUS!** moments are no longer allowed   


(It just...)

(I still can't...*laughing* I'm sorry!)

 

  
Rule  #182   


Don't update children's nursery rhymes

(You sadistic bastards)

 

  
Rule  #183   


Don't use cheesy pick-up lines 

(Barf)

 

  
Rule  #184   


Don't play the Attack on Titan theme...ever

(It scares the shit out of people)

(But damn, it's badass)

 

  
Rule  #185   


Don't decide to inform people about really useless facts when there's a lull/awkward silence

(I keep choosing penguins)

(Did you know they vomit on their own kids for fun?)

 

  
Rule  #186   


Never do the hokey-pokey, Shakespearean style

(It is rather questionable)

 

  
Rule  #187   


In general, no Shakespeare

(I am surrounded by Prince of Wales')

 

  
Rule  #188   


If someone insults you/someone else, don't react with violence

(I beat the shit out of one cow who called Yuna fat)

(What? Yuna's too young to deal with that shit)

(She's too busy saving the world, like a nice kid does)

 

  
Rule  #189   


Don't sprinkle pop-rocks onto Tidus' pillow

(Not only is it a waste of perfectly good pop-rocks)

(It is fucking terrifying to be woken up in the middle of the night because there's mini-explosions)

 

  
Rule  #190   


When somone's depressed, cheer them up nicely

(Auron said he felt really ugly)

(And then Rikku just had to say he reminded her of a moose)

(And I couldn't resist)

  
"Yes, but a very cute moose! Make all the boy moose go  **WAHHHHH!** "   



	20. Page XX - Rosalie

  
Rule  #191   


Do not start fights with other Blitzball teams

(Unless its the Luca Goers) 

(Then fuck them up) 

(Bastards) 

 

  
Rule  #192   


Do not give Aragorn's speech if you are about to face off against a powerful foe

(Yuna appreciated it though) 

(It was epic) 

 

  
Rule  #193   


Calling Yunalesca a whore, slut, bitch or anything of that degree is not advised

(Yeah....) 

(Not smart) 

 

  
Rule  #194   


Seymour is not related to Jareth

(Even if they got the crazy hair) 

(And have a thing for kidnapping) 

 

  
Rule  #195   


Giving Seymour a makeover is not allowed

(He's pretty the way he is) 

(No one touches my Seymour) 

 

  
Rule  #196   


Seymour is male and not secretly a female

(Trust me on this) 

(I know) 

 

  
Rule  #197   


Seymour is also not a crossdresser

(He rocks those beads though!) 

 

  
Rule  #198   


Do not subject the group to Twilight

(Unless it's Kinoc) 

(Then by all means have fun) 

 

  
Rule  #199   


Yuna and Tidus are not like Bella and Edward

(Even though the two are basically obsessed with each other) 

(Just don't tell them that)

 

  
Rule  #200   


Do not get Seymour's tattoos on your own chest

(Holy Yevon that hurt!) 

(Why on Spira did I do that?!) 

(Seymour likes them) 

(I'm starting to think their his personal brand) 

(So people know I belong to him) 

(Sneaky bastard) 


	21. Epilogue

It had finally come down to this.

It wasn't as if they hadn't expected it. It had been hanging over them since the very start of the pilgrimage. The unspoken taboo. 

 _Until, you know, Tidus started speaking about it. Idiot,_ Ariana thought with an eyeroll as they built up a fire and made camp. They needed to rest before fighting _her_ , though no-one except herself, Rosalie, Auron and Seymour knew about that particular detail. Yuna was very quiet as they made dinner and ate. The group was on tenderhooks trying to not say something that could land in a beating (courtesy of Kimahri). After they had cleared away, they all just sat and stared at the fire. There wasn't really anything else to do in this wasteland. After a while, Tidus got antsy and went away from the group, resting a hand on Yuna's shoulder as he passed and went to stare at the ruins of Zanarkand. After a few minutes, Wakka sidled over to Lulu, tentatively putting an arm around her shoulders. Usually, the mage would rebuke him straight away, but this time, she leaned slightly into the offered comfort. 

 _This is really affecting them,_ Ariana realised, feeling a bit shook. _If even Lulu is letting down her usual defences....Christ. And it's only going to get worse from here on._ She snuck a glance at the oldest Guardian.  _Auron..._

After all was said and done, he was going to die. Well, technically he was already dead, but that wasn't the point. Auron would be gone. And unlike so many places where she'd been and lives she'd been able to save, she couldn't save _this_ one. It was eating at her. She'd promised herself at the start of this stupid pilgrimage that she'd do her best to save everyone.   _Promise...Webster's defines promise as 'a declaration that something will or will not be done'._

The words of an old song drifted around in her head as Yuna went to join Tidus. Her heart ached as she watched them.  _God, Yuna, I'm so sorry...._

"Come with me."

She nodded wordlessly, rising and following after him as he led her up the trail they had taken earlier. He stopped when they reached the plateau where they'd fought that huge fiend. Zanarkand was shrouded in mist and pyreflies, almost dream-like.

_It looks so peaceful._

"Deceiving, isn't it?" Auron asked. Ariana snorted.

"Deception isn't something I'm particularly fond of," she retorted, not bothering to turn around. He chuckled.

"No, I'd imagine you wouldn't be." He was standing behind her now. She could feel the soft puff of his breath brushing the back of her neck. "Ariana-"

"I know what's going to happen," she interrupted. "The Final Aeon, Yunalesca..."

"It's important that they learn this on their own," he warned. She turned slightly, her blue eyes narrowed.

"I'm not going to blab, don't get your panties in a twist." She glanced at the ground, biting her lip. "Auron, are you seriously just....going to give up?"

He didn't even bat an eyelash.

"My story has ended."

She wanted to throw her hands up and scream. "If your story had ended, you wouldn't be here. But you are. You're still walking around Spira, talking, laughing, _living_. You're touching people's lives just by _being_ here. Your story hasn't ended; not until the last pyrefly's light is gone." She was starting to babble now. "Yuna doesn't deserve what's coming to her. You don't know the half of it, Auron; it was traumatising for _me_ when I found out. We could just walk away for a little while, let Yuna enjoy herself more. God, she's just a _kid_ and she's got the weight of the god-damn world on her shoulders because that stupid bitch thinks that her way is right-"

Strong arms wrapped themselves around her, stopping her pacing. Ariana wriggled for a second before giving up, her shoulders sagging.

"It's not fair," she whispered, her eyes burning. 

"I know." 

"This wasn't supposed to happen," she continued. "I wasn't...God..."

"Do you regret it?" he asked. His arms tightened around her a fraction. 

"Do  _you_?" she shot back. His hold loosened enough so that she could turn in the comforting circle of his arms. "Auron, if you even think for one  _second_ that I regret anything about what happened between us, I will throw you off this cliff." She reached up, gentle fingers tracing along the glaring reminder of what lay ahead. The Guardian exhaled, his good eye closing and leaning into her touch as she traced his cheekbones, his eyes, the curve of his lip. The tears that had been welling finally spilled down her cheeks. "I won't ever regret," she whispered. "Never." Her breath caught as a thought occurred to her. "Unless...do you-?"

Then his lips were on hers, kissing her furiously, too fast for her to react; violence, possession and desperation rolling into one kiss. Ariana reeled slightly before resting her hands gingerly on his shoulders. There was a kind of animalistic urgency to him this time; his hands roamed over her back, entangling themselves in her unbound hair.

"You are just..." he murmured, the thought being promptly discarded as he pressed another demanding kiss on her. She was beginning to lose track of how many he'd planted on her. Every kiss up until this moment had held some kind of restraint, even when they'd been intimate. These kisses were wild, forceful; full of nips and the pressure was bruising. Eventually, it occurred to him that she needed to breathe and, pressing a gentler kiss to her swollen lips, leaned back, watching her take gasping breaths thoughtfully.

"I take that as a no," Ariana managed when she'd caught her breath. Auron threw back his head and laughed.

"You would be correct," he answered, still chuckling. She tugged on his hair slightly, annoyed.

"You won't wind up regretting this, will you?" she asked quietly, serious. He removed her hand from his hair and pressed a kiss to her palm.

"Never," he murmured.

"Good. Because if you had said yes, I'd have to beat you to death with your own leg," she said with a tiny grin. He chuckled once more and wrapped his arms around her waist as she rested her back against the warm wall of his chest. In the warmth of his arms, listening to the strong beat of his heart and his slow breaths dusting over her hair, Ariana was lulled into a sense of calm serenity, wrapped in a warm, loving embrace.

They didn't have much time left. But she was going to cherish every second she had with him.

* * *

 

Rosalie stabbed a rock she had found repeatedly into the ground, biting her lip. It wasn't fair. Before this had all started, she made a promise to herself that she wouldn't get too attached to anyone. But she broke it. She got too attached to Seymour and now she was dreading leaving him. She broke her personal rule: Never fall in love.

 Seymour noticed that Rosalie was unusually quiet, even for this tense situation. He got up and walked over to her and sat next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his lap, simply holding her. He knew as well as she did what was coming. Normally he wouldn't have been bothered by it, but ever since meeting her, she changed his perspective. He couldn't shake the feeling she was going to slip through his fingers. He tightened his grip on her when she snuggled closer to him. 

 She looked over at Rikku. Fun, sweet, hilarious Rikku who had managed to keep everyone's spirits up since she joined them. It hurt to see Rikku so sad. She got up, pulling herself from Seymour's grip and walked over, pulling Rikku into a tight hug as she sat down. She held tight as Rikku's shoulders shook with silent sobs. 

 Rosalie shed a few tears of her own, cursing herself for getting so attached. Their time was drawing to a close, she could feel it. Never had she dreaded leaving so badly. How much longer did they have left? It was scary how uncertain things were now. 

Yuna got up and went to join Tidus. Could they really leave Yuna after this? Could they leave any of them? 

One thing she was sure about, she'd have a massive scar on her heart after this adventure. Seymour had been right about one thing. Spira was a spiral of sorrow and death, so many people died for the hopes of an Eternal Calm, hopes raised and dashed when Sin came back in a never ending cycle of death. But this time, they would stop it, but at a terrible cost.

"Rosalie," Seymour called for her, his voice quiet. 

She stood up after assuring Rikku she'd be back soon. She followed Seymour in a different direction than Ariana and Auron had taken. They were soon hidden from sight among some ruins and Seymour turned to her.

"You sense it too." It was more of a statement than a question. 

She nodded. "Yes." 

"You know of what's to come." 

She nodded again, looking down.

"Do you regret it?" 

She looked at him, noticing his back was to her as he looked out over the landscape. "Regret what?" 

"Saving me? Coming here? Knowing what you do?" 

She walked to his side and slipped her hand into his. "Never." 

"But you're in pain." 

She smiled sadly. "Yes, but that's what love is. Joy and pain. Sacrifice." 

He turned to her and cupped her cheek with his free hand. "You have made me happy. Happier than I thought I'd ever be. And now I will lose you."

She sniffled, nuzzling into his hand. "For what it's worth, you're the only one I've married. Well, almost married. I feel like I've taken you from one dark fate and put you on another one. I don't know what will happen to you after this. You were supposed to find peace after you died and Yuna sent you." Her eyes traced over his face, trying to burn his image into her mind so she'd never forget. 

"You gave me peace and acceptence," Seymour said, rubbing the soft skin of her cheek with his thumb. "Do not fear for me." He stared down into her eyes, as if searching for something. "If given the chance, would you willingly take me as your husband?" 

"Yes." 

"Then you agree to be my wife?" 

"Of course." 

He leaned down and kissed her, much more sweetly than he had ever kissed her before. "Then you are my wife." 

"Always," she sighed as they parted. "I'll never forget you. If there is ever some way I can come back, I will." 

"I'll wait for you," he promised. He pulled off the beads he wore around his neck and pressed it into her hands. "Something to remember me by." 

 She nodded and slipped them into her pocket. "I'll be back to return them to you."  They walked back hand in hand and sat down near the fire again. She never did tell anyone else that she had become Seymour's wife, wanting to keep it close to her heart. It wouldn't be fair to Yuna because she wouldn't be able to experience that with Tidus. Yuna needed all their support right now.  _If you can hear me... Dream just a little while longer..._ She prayed to the Fayth.  _For Yuna's sake.... For all their sakes._ She wanted to cry, but she couldn't. She had to remain strong.

It didn't matter how she felt or what she wanted. She was a Guardian. She was going to stand by Yuna's side until the end no matter what. It was her duty as a Guardian and the Summoner always came first. 

 


End file.
